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Sunday, April 25, 2004
 
Cthulhu Decides Against Presidential Bid; Says Bush Has Stolen His "Destruction of Mankind" Platform
PulpLit : "By Geoffrey Langland March 9th, 2004



Cthulhu, greatest and most powerful of the Old Ones and ruler of the sunken city of R'lyeh, has decided against a presidential bid this year, claiming that George W. Bush has co-opted Cthulhu's main issue: destroying mankind.

'Bush is well on his way to causing the great cataclysm that will mean the end for humanity and the return of the Old Ones,' said Cthulhu at a hastily arranged press conference. 'What can I say? I have run my last two elections on the 'destruction of mankind' theme, but now the GOP owns the issue.'

Cthulhu has run for president twice before (on the Reform Party ticket). But now, he says, 'the Republicans and I see eye-to-gelatinous eye. Have you seen what they're doing to the environment? Never mind the divisiveness and hatred they've spread throughout the world in the span of a mere four years. I'm afraid there's no longer any difference between the Republican agenda and my own platform.'

Cthulhu said he plans to support George W. Bush in the 2004 election.

At the end of the press conference, Cthulhu consumed the assembled reporters and returned to his condominium in Orlando, Florida."

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