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The Morning News - The Non-Expert: IKEA: 


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|  |    |  |/  /    |   ____|       /   \     

|  |    |  '  /     |  |__         /  ^  \    

|  |    |    <      |   __|       /  /_\  \   

|  |    |  .  \     |  |____     /  _____  \  

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IKEA WALKTHROUGH v2.3.1

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IKEA is a fully immersive, 3D environmental adventure that allows

 you to role-play the character of someone who gives a shit about

 home furnishings. In traversing IKEA, you will experience a meticulously 

detailed alternate reality filled with garish colors, clear-lacquered birch 

veneer, and a host of NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS (NPCs) with the  

glazed looks of the recently anesthetized.



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OBJECTIVE

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Your goal is to successfully traverse the five awesome worlds of IKEA 

before your patience runs out. On your first few tries this may seem 

like an impossible task, but with practice (and this IKEA Walkthrough!) 

you will soon be able to muster the sense of numb resignation 

necessary for victory.



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WORLD ONE: PARKING LOT

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Your adventure begins! Drive your vehicle into the IKEA 

underground PARKING LOT. Your task is to find the fabled 

PARKING SPOT hidden deep within this toxic cavern. Your search

will not be easy, as the PARKING SPOT may not appear until you 

first qualify by completing several dozen laps. As in all worlds, 

time is of the essence: If you are unable to find the PARKING SPOT 

in 180 minutes or less, you may become irritated and leave.



Although your vehicle comes equipped with a braking mechanism 

(the "B" pedal), the secret to success in this world is to never decelerate.

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