Thursday, February 05, 2004
The Morning News - The Non-Expert: IKEA:
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IKEA WALKTHROUGH v2.3.1
IKEA is a fully immersive, 3D environmental adventure that allows
you to role-play the character of someone who gives a shit about
home furnishings. In traversing IKEA, you will experience a meticulously
detailed alternate reality filled with garish colors, clear-lacquered birch
veneer, and a host of NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS (NPCs) with the
glazed looks of the recently anesthetized.
Your goal is to successfully traverse the five awesome worlds of IKEA
before your patience runs out. On your first few tries this may seem
like an impossible task, but with practice (and this IKEA Walkthrough!)
you will soon be able to muster the sense of numb resignation
necessary for victory.
WORLD ONE: PARKING LOT
Your adventure begins! Drive your vehicle into the IKEA
underground PARKING LOT. Your task is to find the fabled
PARKING SPOT hidden deep within this toxic cavern. Your search
will not be easy, as the PARKING SPOT may not appear until you
first qualify by completing several dozen laps. As in all worlds,
time is of the essence: If you are unable to find the PARKING SPOT
in 180 minutes or less, you may become irritated and leave.
Although your vehicle comes equipped with a braking mechanism
(the "B" pedal), the secret to success in this world is to never decelerate.
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