Skip to main content

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Gun

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Gun:
By Karl Francis, Karl Francis, a former professor and congressional lobbyist, lives in Fairbanks, Alaska.

Please bear with me. I am an Alaskan, and Alaskans, for better or worse, are given to looking down on the rest of the nation. We mean no offense; it is just in our nature, and because of our place on this Earth, which leads us to be confused from time to time when we visit the Lower 48.

I am puzzled now by the strange way people here are dealing with mountain lions — which is to say, letting them kill you.

Nature killing people is no big deal for Alaskans. That's the way things are in Alaska.

When you step out into it, you are at risk. If you are wise, you prepare for it. Alaska does not suffer fools. It eats them.

It also eats people who are not fools, those who prepare well and try their best to stay alive. I have lost too many close friends to her, sensible folks who came up against something too tough to handle. Our stories of untimely death are endless, and I will not burden you with them.

I would just mention that I have been breathtakingly close to extinction myself, sometimes for making a mistake but often just for being out there.

About a year ago, in the Arctic coastal village of Kaktovik, my son, Nick, and I were walking from our office to our residence when we came upon huge polar bear prints in our path, going the other way. It being cold and dark and very windy, those tracks would not have lasted more than a few minutes. And so that bear was close behind us. We had passed it without seeing it.

In case you think otherwise, polar bears hunt people down and eat them. And I have eaten polar bears. And grizzly bears. And black bears. And a lot of other critters. Cooked right, bears taste really good.

Apparently the feeling is mutual. This particular night I did not intend to be eaten nor to see Nick eaten. So I drew my .41 magnum revolver, a modest bear gun but better than teeth and fingernails. As luck would have it for all three of us, we missed each other.

I love bears, and not just to eat. I used to study them. I have friends who have spent all their professional lives studying them. You can't spend time around bears and not admire them. But none of us go into bear country without the means to protect ourselves.

I don't know much about big cats. We don't have them in Alaska, and the few I have encountered southward were pretty spooky. They are elegant creatures, and I do respect them. I do not go where they are without the means to protect myself. And I keep my eyes peeled. It is in my genes not to be eaten by bears, large cats or anything else.

Why would anyone go into mountain lion country without the means to protect themselves from attack? I notice the police are armed. The wardens and rangers are armed. Indeed, anyone with any clue where they are would be armed.

I have a buddy, an Albuquerque cop. She likes to ride mountain bikes in remote places. She is a beautiful lady, but tough. I asked her once what she does when she is out there and has an encounter with something nasty.

It has happened. In silent response, she unzipped her fanny pack, which she carries on her belly, exposing both her badge and her .357 magnum pistol. Evil backs away from that lady.

Now that makes sense to me. But then, I'm not from these parts.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Artist turns animals into everyday objects

Ananova - A Chilean artist is making a name for herself with an exhibition in which stuffed animals are transformed into household objects. Artworks on display include a chick turned into a lamp, and 'sheep bag' - a lamb carcass fitted with handles. Artist Caterina Purdy says her exhibition at the Experimental Arts Centre in Santiago is intended to be humorous but also makes a serious point. She told Las Ultimas Noticias online: 'It is possible to see my work as something scary, but I find it beautiful. 'There is also irony and humour in my objects as well as a criticism of the way animals are treated by society.'"

At USDA, the Mouse Is in the House

(washingtonpost.com) : "Employees at the Department of Agriculture's main cafeteria were just sitting down to lunch on Friday when security guards ordered everyone in the huge eatery to leave. Al Qaeda? Bomb scare? No. Mouse droppings. The D.C. Department of Health closed the cafeteria for failing to pass inspection. Yes, the USDA, home to the Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service, the meat and poultry inspectors -- the agency that is part of the federal system for protecting the nation's food supply, was in violation of the D.C. Health Code. There were several citations, according to the inspection report, including: 'water leaking excessively' in the ceiling, employees not wearing hair restraints, and inadequate cleaning of the inside of ice machines, cabinets, surfaces and equipment. The biggest problem, however, seemed to be mouse droppings found everywhere -- in the dry storage room, by the salad bar, behind the ovens, near the serving line, ...
BW Online | March 1, 2004 | Software : "As Stephen and Deepa emerge this summer from graduate school -- one in Pittsburgh, the other in Bombay -- they'll find that their decisions of a half-decade ago placed their dreams on a collision course. The Internet links that were being pieced together at the turn of the century now provide broadband connections between multinational companies and brainy programmers the world over. For Deepa and tens of thousands of other Indian students, the globalization of technology offers the promise of power and riches in a blossoming local tech industry. But for Stephen and his classmates in the U.S., the sudden need to compete with workers across the world ushers in an era of uncertainty. Will good jobs be waiting for them when they graduate? 'I might have been better served getting an MBA,' Stephen says."