Sophont
Thursday, January 15, 2004
 
Emeril vs. Cthulhu
by Fenris :
"But Emeril's worst crime against humanity tonight is the following unholy concoction. It's so bad, that if one were to compare fictional characters to foods, this would be Cthulhu's. It's the cooking equivalent in evilness to Lovecraft's Great Old Ones. I am appalled.

The Loathsome Thing vs Narylhotep

The world recoiled at the noisesome horror that was Narylhotep* as it strode the earth. Acrid clouds of smoke arose as its...'feet' touched the earth, poisoning the ground it touched forever. Narylhotep didn't notice as humans ran, evading it, they were less than ants beneath it's 'feet'. The squirming mass of tentacles that passed for a face suddenly turned in shock. It's head lifted, sniffing the air. Although this horror had existed since before the dawn of time, it smelled something new...and bad.

"BAM!" shrieked Emeril "BAM! LET'S KICK ID UP ANNADA NOTCH TA NATCHES UNKNOWN!" The greasy little man pranced out in front of the Elder Thing with a cart filled with covered platters. "LOOKID THIS" Emeril yelled in his nasal tones "I GODDA MEAL HEAH DAT'LL KNOCK YOUA SAHKS AFF!" (Emeril, never one to pass up mugging for an audience seemed unaware that Narylhotep didn't have feet, let alone socks.) Narylhotep felt...uneasy.

The hellchef reached over and removed the first cover. A greasy mass of what appeared to be deep-fried spaghetti wallowed in a yellow lake of grease. Clearly overcooked the blackened slimy mess seemed to ooze towards Narylhotep. For the first time since the dawn of creation, the Elder Thing backed away. ..........."

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